Woman tells new friend she can't make it to birthday dinner because of a family emergency, friend tells her she needs to pay for her portion of the dinner anyways: 'It feels unfair to ask me to pay'

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Mar 30, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

With the invention of peer-to-peer payment apps, settling up with people has never been easier. You never have to worry about getting someone to pay you back for dinner when you can just request the money you need from them. Crowdsourcing has become a piece of cake. It even makes the gig economy so much easier to manage. Babysitters, drag performers, and odd-job truthers unite worldwide over these new apps (and sometimes you can get away with staying tax-free).

Of course, with most good things, there are some drawbacks. We all have that one friend who doesn't understand the concept of paying it forward and will take their payment app privileges for granted by requesting you for $0.46 for a sip of their coffee. Then again, this friend has always existed. Even the invention of new-age technology could never make these tendencies absolute. One woman told a story about how her friend asked her to pay her fare for a dinner that she didn't even attend. You may read through and conclude that this woman is ultimately a flake and that friend was right to charge her, or you might take her side. Scroll through to see where you fall.

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  • 01
    ....
    via Jay Wennington
  • 02

    "AITAH for not showing up and not paying her back for the reservation fee that I didn’t know about?"

    I recently made a new friend, and her birthday was last weekend. She invited me and my husband to her party about three weeks in advance by adding me to a group chat. However, my husband wasn't added, so he assumed he wasn't invited. He also had a
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 03
    wasn't invited. He also had a class that night, so he couldn't attend anyway. A few days later, I saw her in person, and she clarified that he was invited. I told her I would let him know, but I also mentioned that he probably wouldn't be able to make it due to his class. The day before the
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 04
    to his class. The day before the party, she sent a message in the group chat saying we would meet at a restaurant at a certain time, and after dinner, we would hang out elsewhere. I then messaged
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  • 05
    out elsewhere. I then messaged her separately to let her know I wouldn't be able to make it for dinner but could attend the after- party, as I'd be spending time with my mother, whose own mother had just passed away.
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 06
    She responded saying that was fine and sent me the location for the after-party. Unfortunately, something came up, and I couldn't attend either event. I apologized to her the day of and explained the situation. A few
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 07
    explained the situation. A few days later, she texted me saying that her friend had made a reservation for dinner and paid in advance per person, and now we owed her our portion for the reservation. This was confusing
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 08
    reservation. This was confusing to me because she never mentioned anything about a reservation fee or that someone was covering it in advance. Additionally, my husband never confirmed he would be attending, so I didn't feel it was appropriate to pay for both of us.
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 09
    Had I known that a reservation fee was paid for my attendance and I didn't show up, I would absolutely offer to cover my portion. But given the circumstances, it feels unfair to ask me to pay. I don't want to cause any drama or lose her as a friend, but I'm feeling conflicted. How should I approach this, and AITAH for not wanting to pay?
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 10
    NTA. You had declined the reservation before even knowing that someone else had paid an advance fee. You are off the hook totally for any expenses that someone else assumed.
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 11

    Most people thought this woman was in the right not to pay.

    Cheezburger Image 10474179072
    via chadmadden
  • 12
    NTA. You owe nothing. You declined prior to the event. This sounds like a potentially exhausting friendship. Be cautious
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 13
    NTA you can't expect someone to pay for something if there was no agreement in advance. What kind of restaurant has a per plate reservation fee??
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 14

    Hmmm, sneaky.

    call the restaurant and ask about their reservation fee if you book for a birthday. Dont say anything about being charged, just be inquisitive.
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 15
    How do you pay in advance for someone's meal? It's not like she knew what everyone was going to get And what the heck is a reservation fee. I could only see that being a thing if you don't show up, like a deposit
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 16

    Some people thought she might be a flake.

    I think you didn't really communicate appropriately. You never followed up after to confirm your husband really wasn't going to come. Then you only let her know day of you couldn't come, only hours before. It's pretty flaky. ESH but I think you just apologize, tell her you didn't know and can't afford it. Then never talk to her again.
    via Nutellaacrepes
  • 17

    This would be the real high road.

    I personally would just pay it and tell her that if she was making plans like this in the future she would need to provide more information about the party and what all it included, and if people where paying money for others without letting them know they are setting themselves up for failure maybe half of the total cost for the two spots would be fine since you knew nothing about that part
    via Nutellaacrepes

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